I haven’t written on this blog in quite some time, but this evening before leaving for dinner, I sit here at my computer enjoying this gentle, sweet breeze coming through my kitchen window. I have had many conversations over the past few months with students new and old about and with myself around the very deep question that is, “Who Am I? “What is my Identity?” This has been swirling in my head for a long time now. I want to be transparent, but don’t want to bore you. I question myself every day about the direction of my life. I am in my thirties..I went to college and graduate school, I had a great career going for years in financial services–because that was what I was supposed to be!…a business person, like my successful father! Did I fail? I’ve had my fair share of personal issues, haven’t we all? Although I always did good in my jobs, I never liked them, but who really does? I never felt inside that I was good at what I did…I started to be really unhappy and very unhealthy…over time I made a decision to leave a career and teach yoga full time. Wow…what was my identity now? Going from making very nice money about to buy a new house, to basically volunteering, making enough money to buy my coffee and pay the parking ticket I got while teaching class. Married to my best friend, yet we have no children..what is my identity? Some days I wake up angry at myself at my current identity, wishing just stuck with traditional career path, had 2 kids, like many of my other friends. But MOST days–Most days, I wake up and I wish it no other way…i am FULL of gratitude for the people I have met through yoga and for the doors that have opened for me and the opportunities that I have been given…but most importantly I am thankful for the peace within that this change has brought me, and the health it has given me. This is my identity…at this moment…and I will embrace it.
I have learned from my wonderful teachers and through the practice of yoga (and I will clarify teachers, are friends, family, yes yoga teachers, mentors, etc.) I try to make an effort, albeit, hard, to understand that my life, our lives–are magnificent works in progress. That each and everyone of us has the ability to shape our own life purpose, or Dharma. When I heard a teacher say so simply, “Your identity is a fluid, not a solid…that you are constantly changing, always in flux, and that is OK….it was so nice to hear. It was so–calming. We are the result of many, many, many, years of moving, flowing, really smart evolution. This life we live is a process..and we need to trust that with each passing moment we are becoming the person that we yearn to be and the person that the world needs us to be. If we can spend some time out of our day figuring out what we can do to make the world a better place and then put it into action…well then we will continue to positively shape our identity.
And lets embrace Santosha, and contentment, and roll with the ebb and flow which is life itself.
Thank you guys for reading.